J.J. JUST BROUGHT IN A FREE PIZZA FOR EVERYONE TO EAT HOLY SHIT! You should have been there...we were all sitting around, with no more pizza between us than castaways from a plane wreck, and J.J. kicks the door in like the most handsome blue-eyed pizza delivery guy you've ever seen.
UPDATE: He also brought dessert. Un-fucking-believable!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
J.J. Knows Football
Yesterday, while we were all fighting over who would get to reheat J.J.'s meatloaf for him, Mario started talking about the Titans and Steelers game. We shouted him down, though, because J.J. hadn't gotten his lunch yet! We all agreed he should get his food before we started talking about anything. One thing at a time, Mario!
By the time Mario finished apologizing, J.J.'s meatloaf was done, so we were ready to talk some football. As he drizzled ketchup over his meatloaf, J.J. made some very pointed observations about the moves the Atlanta Falcons made in the offseason to bolster their defense. "Holy crap," we all exclaimed. Said Jerry: "Glad the Ravens don't play J.J.'s Falcons, because we'd hate for them to make our offense look like tiny little girls in purple dresses!" Good point, Jerry! That's the thing about J.J. It's not just that he's the leader--issuing wisdom, high morale, and good advice like some kind of Morgan Freeman-shaped Pez Dispenser--it's that he makes you think!
By the time Mario finished apologizing, J.J.'s meatloaf was done, so we were ready to talk some football. As he drizzled ketchup over his meatloaf, J.J. made some very pointed observations about the moves the Atlanta Falcons made in the offseason to bolster their defense. "Holy crap," we all exclaimed. Said Jerry: "Glad the Ravens don't play J.J.'s Falcons, because we'd hate for them to make our offense look like tiny little girls in purple dresses!" Good point, Jerry! That's the thing about J.J. It's not just that he's the leader--issuing wisdom, high morale, and good advice like some kind of Morgan Freeman-shaped Pez Dispenser--it's that he makes you think!
Friday, July 17, 2009
J.J. is Good at Ping Pong
This moron that doesn't know J.J. said he could beat J.J. at Ping Pong. I told him he was a lunatic, and that he should shut up about things he doesn't know about. What an asshole. I wonder whatever happened to that guy?
J.J. Could be the King of America
If J.J. didn't love freedom so much, America would force a crown on his head and make his sons princes. J.J. would make sure his subjects had food to eat, and he would NEVER let barbarians pour over the border and threaten our shit.
J.J.'s not into that, though, because he loves democracy and the U.S. Constitution. One time this guy at work started on about how "everyone in Canada gets free anal beads from the government" as if it was a good thing. Democrats always want stuff like this. So J.J. shut this jackass down with some good old-fashioned American folk wisdom. You know, the kind your kid doesn't learn in public schools anymore.
That guy voted Republican, or at least he said he did, because no one wants to disappoint J.J. He's really amazing, isn't he?
J.J.'s not into that, though, because he loves democracy and the U.S. Constitution. One time this guy at work started on about how "everyone in Canada gets free anal beads from the government" as if it was a good thing. Democrats always want stuff like this. So J.J. shut this jackass down with some good old-fashioned American folk wisdom. You know, the kind your kid doesn't learn in public schools anymore.
That guy voted Republican, or at least he said he did, because no one wants to disappoint J.J. He's really amazing, isn't he?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Safety First!
If you say you wouldn't trust this man with your life, I'll say you're a liar. J.J. wears his safety glasses at work, at play, and at rest. But when he does that shit, it's for a good reason, so don't even think about rolling your eyes. No one condescends to J.J.Some people don't take safety seriously. They think they're invincible, or too smart to make a mistake. People like that are assholes who don't mind bleeding all over the damn place while the rest of us are trying to get work done.
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But you'll never see those guys working with J.J. He shames them into compliance with workplace safety regulations, like William Wallace shamed Robert the Bruce in that movie Braveheart. Without saying a single word, William Wallace made Robert the Bruce feel like a little pussy. If you ever work with J.J. and start taking safety for granted, he'll make you feel like that, too. Good old J.J.!!!
J.J.'s a Hero
J.J. recently pulled an anvil off an old lady's foot, even though he was running late for work. How does an old lady's foot get stuck under an anvil, anyway? It doesn't even sound like a true story.
Anyway, so this old lady calls her lawyer and rewrites her will to make J.J. the primary beneficiary. Her family said it has nothing to do with the anvil and everything to do with his blue eyes. They're not even that angry. Which, come on, they should be furious that a stranger is getting the inheritance now.
That's the thing about J.J.--he's not gonna use his gifts or his blue eyes for his own gain--he'll help your ass out so fast you won't see it coming. That's our J.J.!!!
Anyway, so this old lady calls her lawyer and rewrites her will to make J.J. the primary beneficiary. Her family said it has nothing to do with the anvil and everything to do with his blue eyes. They're not even that angry. Which, come on, they should be furious that a stranger is getting the inheritance now.
That's the thing about J.J.--he's not gonna use his gifts or his blue eyes for his own gain--he'll help your ass out so fast you won't see it coming. That's our J.J.!!!
"He's a Looker"
One of the great things about J.J. is his handsome mug. Some people that work with him are afraid to bring their wives or girlfriends around him, and with good reason. They can never shut up about how great looking J.J. is. At dinner, at the movies, in bed, or at Thanksgiving, it's all "J.J. this" and "J.J. that". They're not wrong, of course. We totally agree with them. They have as much appreciation for those baby blues as the rest of us. I guess even more, because they're women.
You've got nothing to worry about, though. J.J.'s too classy for adultery, and he's a devoted family man. He's not gonna bone your lady. But he could if he wanted.
You've got nothing to worry about, though. J.J.'s too classy for adultery, and he's a devoted family man. He's not gonna bone your lady. But he could if he wanted.
"I'm Not Leaving my J.J."
You ever heard of a straight guy who'd turn down an extra $10000 a year just to keep working with another straight guy? If you knew J.J., you'd understand how a man might feel this way.
You see, this guy (now stay with me because I'm talking about J.J. again) is the kind of guy you don't quit working with voluntarily. He's awesome. And what if you ended up with a bunch of assholes at your new position? You probably would, because about 30%-35% of us are assholes. But you stick with J.J., and you know things are going to be OK. Good old J.J.!
You see, this guy (now stay with me because I'm talking about J.J. again) is the kind of guy you don't quit working with voluntarily. He's awesome. And what if you ended up with a bunch of assholes at your new position? You probably would, because about 30%-35% of us are assholes. But you stick with J.J., and you know things are going to be OK. Good old J.J.!
Cooking Out
One time on a Tuesday, we were all thinking about how great Friday is, 'cause Friday's the end of the week. But then J.J. thought about how to make Friday even better. So what does he do? He organizes a COOKOUT for lunch. He's going crazy with it, like not just planning hot dogs and hamburgers, but dessert, utensils, side dishes, even these dope-ass sausages with like, cheese in the middle.
So Friday comes around, and we do the damn thing. And as we were all eating, you can sure bet we all said "That's my J.J.!"
So Friday comes around, and we do the damn thing. And as we were all eating, you can sure bet we all said "That's my J.J.!"
Welcome to "That's My J.J."
This blog is all about J.J., and how he's great and how we fucking love him. There are other leaders at work that are great, but not as great as J.J. This one time, everyone was having a bad day at work, but then J.J. was like, "Look, this isn't a huge deal, guys. Why don't we all take a step back and stop crying?" And you know something? He was right. He's always right.
This blog is to chronicle why J.J. is always right, mostly with real-life stories. People that know him say "That's my J.J.!" every time he kicks ass at something. Needless to say, we say that a lot.
Several months ago, someone used to say "That's my Boats", but then they realized that was sort of an insult to his Navy service and no one says that anymore.
This blog is to chronicle why J.J. is always right, mostly with real-life stories. People that know him say "That's my J.J.!" every time he kicks ass at something. Needless to say, we say that a lot.
Several months ago, someone used to say "That's my Boats", but then they realized that was sort of an insult to his Navy service and no one says that anymore.
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